What does it mean to be sexually repressed?
Sexual repression is a term used when someone feels uncomfortable with sexual activity or desires. Some people feel like they are being too prudish, while others don’t want to have any sort of physical contact at all. There are many different types of sexual repression and some people may not even experience any type of sexual repression at all. Sexual repressions can range from mild to severe depending on the person and their upbringing.
Mild sexual repression:
Some people do not experience any sort of sexual repression at all. They might not even realize they’re sexually repressed because they don’t think about anything related to sexuality. People who are mildly sexually repressed may only feel uncomfortable around certain people, but they aren’t really bothered by it. They just don’t engage in sexual activities because they’re not interested in them.
Moderately Sexual Repression:
People who are moderately sexually repressed may still feel uncomfortable around certain people, but they won’t necessarily act out violently against them. Most people will probably feel uncomfortable around other men, but they’ll usually keep it to themselves rather than acting aggressively towards the man.
A lot of moderately sexually repressed people will not feel comfortable engaging in sexual activity, but they won’t feel the need to voice their concerns or actively avoid certain people. They may also feel guilt after engaging in any sort of activity that could be considered “taboo”. Most people who are moderately sexually repressed can have a conversation about sexual matters without feeling discomfort, but they probably won’t start the conversation.
Severely sexually repressed people:
Some people feel so uncomfortable with any sort of sexual activity that they won’t talk about it or even think about it. Most of the time severely sexually repressed people will actively avoid other people in general because they want to prevent themselves from having to engage in any sort of activity that may be considered taboo in their culture. Severely sexually repressed people are usually brought up in an environment that is sexually repressive.
A lot of people who are severely sexually repressed will feel uncomfortable even using certain words. They may also feel very uncomfortable around people of the opposite gender, or even the same gender if they were brought up in a culture that does not support homosexuality. Severely sexually repressed people can have difficulty even holding a conversation because they won’t know how to start it, or they’ll suddenly stop speaking mid sentence.
Does everyone experience sexual repression?
Most people will experience some form of sexual repression because it is normal to have reservations about engaging in any sort of sexual activity. Some people will feel comfortable talking about these sorts of things, while others won’t. It all depends on the person and how they were brought up. A lot of parents will try to educate their children about these sorts of things, but this education can differ from parent to parent. Some parents are more open to talking about these subjects than others.
It’s also important to remember that people are different, so what might cause one person to feel uncomfortable may have no effect on another. For example, one person may feel uncomfortable talking about sexual matters with the opposite gender, but have no problem talking about these things with the same gender. Another person may not be bothered by talking about sexual matters with the same gender, but feel very uncomfortable talking about these things with the opposite gender. There are a lot of factors to take into consideration.
How can I tell if someone is sexually repressed?
There are certain signs and symptoms that can give away whether a person is sexually repressed or not. The first thing you should do is pay attention to their behavior around you.
Do they engage in conversation? If so, do they seem to be telling you everything they know about a certain topic or do they only tell you facts?
People who are not sexually repressed will tend to talk more freely about themselves and topics that interest them. If the person you’re conversing with is only telling you facts, then there’s a good chance they’re uncomfortable with the conversation.
Another way to tell if someone is sexually repressed is to take a look at their personal living space.
Do they keep it clean or organized, or is it cluttered and messy?
People who keep their living spaces clean and organized are typically more in control of their lives and comfortable with themselves. A cluttered, messy personal living space can be a sign that the person is not in control of their life, and is quite possibly messy in other aspects of their life as well.
The final way to tell if someone is sexually repressed is to engage in conversation with them. Start the conversation off slow and ask them general knowledge questions about a subject that might cause the person some discomfort, such as personal grooming habits or plans they may have for their future. As the conversation progresses, you’ll be able to tell whether or not the person is sexually repressed by how they answer your questions. People who are sexually repressed will give short, direct answers to your questions and will not go into much detail.
They may also tell you that they don’t know the answer to certain questions or make up an excuse as to why they can’t talk about a particular topic. People who are not sexually repressed will be able to carry a conversation with you and will not have any trouble answering your questions. They may even ask you questions in return.
Remember, there’s a big difference between being sexually reserved and being sexually repressed. People who are reserved still like to have fun and enjoy life, they’re just more introverted when it comes to expressing themselves. A person who is sexually repressed, on the other hand, does not enjoy themselves and probably feels guilty about doing so. It’s not uncommon for a person who is sexually repressed to be suffering from some sort of mental illness.
How can I help a friend who is sexually repressed?
If you have a friend who you believe is suffering from sexual repression, it is very important that you take the proper steps in helping them. The first thing you need to determine is what is causing them to be sexually repressed.
Is it possible that they have a medical condition causing this, such as a hormonal imbalance or even a tumor in the brain?
It is possible, though not likely. If you already haven’t, have your friend see a doctor and get properly tested to rule out any medical issues causing them to behave in this manner.
Assuming there are no medical issues causing your friend to behave in this way, it’s important that you find out exactly what is causing them to be sexually repressed. This may require you to do some investigating. Ask your friend questions about their past and find out what may have caused them to feel this way. Once you’ve determined what may be causing this behavior, you can try helping your friend get past it.
Your friend may be sexually repressed due to some traumatic event that occurred in their past. If this is the case, you’re going to want to find out what the traumatic event was and try to help your friend get over the incident that caused it. This may involve you speaking to a counselor or even part of your religious organization if it was a religious trauma.
If your friend is suffering from moral sexual repression, you need to convince them that there is nothing wrong with being a virgin and that it shouldn’t cause them to be ostracized by their peers. In order to help them overcome this issue, you’re going to need to provide them with social support on the matter. Try to get your friends, and possibly even your family, to all try to convince the person that their virginity should not be something that they should be ashamed of. These people should also offer their social support system to your friend so that they aren’t left out when it comes to social events.
If your friend is suffering from religious sexual repression, you’ll need to convince them that being a virgin does not prevent them from entering the presence of god. This may be difficult for you if you yourself do not belong to the same religion as your friend. You may want to try speaking to a member of the clergy about your friend’s problem as they should be able to help your friend get past their issues. You could also try speaking to a leader of your religion to try to get them to make changes within the doctrine of your faith so that others like your friend won’t suffer the same way.
If your friend is suffering from existential sexual repression, you need to determine whether or not you can help them overcome their issues. This may be difficult as the causes of this particular brand of sexual repression are quite varied and are often difficult to resolve. If you do believe you can help them, it’s important that you try to help them through this. The best way to go about doing this would be to try to get your friend to question the foundations of their beliefs.
In order to do this, you may have to try to get them to question everything they have been taught about sexuality and why it is so important in the first place, as well as try to tear down any logical fallacies they rely on when it comes to their thought process.
If none of the above work, it’s possible your friend may be suffering from sexual repression due to temporal factors, namely their location and/or time period. If this is the case, you’re going to have to bring this up to your friend and try to convince them to leave with you to a location or time where they may be more open to discussion on this matter.
Once you’ve determined why your friend feels the need to repress their sexuality, you can try helping them get past it.
Your mother smiles at you.
“Thanks son, I really appreciate you looking out for me.”
“No problem mom.” You say.
Your mother goes upstairs to her room and you head back to your room where you continue studying. You never did find out what was up with her coat pocket…
A few months pass and the day finally comes where you’re off to begin your education. You say goodbye to your family and catch a carriage to the nearby town college. When you arrive you feel a sense of excitement as you’ve never been somewhere so lively before.
Once you find the registrar you register yourself and begin looking for the correct building. Once there you sign up for a couple of easy classes such as rhetoric and literature. After you finish those you sign up for a couple of slightly harder classes such as astrophysics and biochemistry.
Feeling accomplished you head to your dorm room and decide to check out the rest of the campus. You walk around for a bit taking in all the sights and eventually you find your way to the athletic fields. There’s a soccer game going on and plenty of people watching, all of which appear to be girls. You take a seat in the grass to watch the game and enjoy all the eye candy.
When the game ends you decide to go back to your room and do a little more studying. You spend a couple hours doing this before deciding to get some dinner. You walk to the cafeteria and as you’re looking at what’s available, someone taps on your shoulder.
You turn around and see a short girl with orange hair and a large grin on her face.
“Hey, I remember you!” she says excitedly.
“I…remember me?” You ask unsure if this is actually the case.
“Yeah!
The coffee place? I spilled hot chocolate all over myself and you helped me clean up?”
“Oh yeah….” You say remembering her.
“I’m Wendy.” She says extending her hand.
“I’m Tavis.” You say shaking it gently.
“
So what are you doing here all alone?”
She asks.
“I’m just eating dinner.”
“
Would you like some company?”
“Sure, why not.” You say walking along with her to the food dispensers.
Wendy and you talk for a while during your dinner and you find out she’s a journalism major. You talk about your own major in xenobiology and she seems quite fascinated by the subject matter. Before you know it, your dinner has turned into dessert and then turned into coffee.
“I guess I spent more time here than I thought.” You say looking at your watch.
“It’s all right, my roommate is gone for the weekend and said I could have her car, so we can spend as much time together as we want.” Wendy says with another large grin.
Wendy goes on about how her and her roommate are just platonic friends and that you don’t have to worry about being called out in the middle of the night and such. You’re not quite sure how to respond so you just go along with it. Eventually you part ways and Wendy gives you a kiss on the cheek before you head off to your room.
Once there you go straight to bed since you have a lot to do tomorrow. You set your alarm for a hour before you need to be awake and then collapse on your bed. You think about the future; how in a years time you’ll most likely have graduated and be looking for a job. The thought both excites and worries you.
Mostly because after that short trip to the vocational center, you’re still not sure what you want to do.
With all these thoughts swirling in your head, you quickly drift off to sleep.
The morning comes and you wake up feeling fairly well rested. You take the time to look through your class schedule since you didn’t even look at it after picking it up.
Professor Demar is the first class of the morning, which unfortunately for you is also involving. You throw on your new robe and make your way over to the college of magic building. When you enter you see that there are a few people you recognize from your brief trip here three years ago. Most of them are paying no attention to you, but a few give you distrustful glances.
You pay them no mind and find your seat in the lecture hall among the rest of the students.
Ten minutes later Professor Demar walks in through a door at the front of the room and all eyes turn towards him. He gives a small smile and begins to walk towards the platform at the front of the room.
“Good morning students.” He says taking his place behind the desk on the platform.
“Good morning professor.” The class responds in unison.
“As you all know, finals are just around the corner so I expect you all to be at your fullest capacity as of now. Now then, let’s begin.”
You spend the next few hours listening to Demar go on about magic and how it was used in the past versus how it is used now and where he sees it’s future going. You find it fascinating, but some of the students seem to be slowly drifting off into sleep.
Demar must notice this because mid-sentence he says, “Oh I’m sorry, did you all want to go to sleep?
Well if you’d like to do that I’ll just let you go and you can all just pay attention to my lectures on magic in the 21st century at your leisure..”
This comment causes everyone to snap back to attention instantly.
“
Good, now then where was I?”
Demar says seeing the response he got from his threat. You’re not really sure if he was serious or not, but the threat was enough to keep you awake, or else you might fall asleep soon after he starts his lecture again.
Demar goes on to talk about the different magic that is or was used in the world. He mentions how there are actually different types of magic such as elemental or conjuration, but that the type of magic he is focusing on in this lecture is the necromantic magic, which is the art of controlling and channeling the energy of the dead.
There is a short discussion about why he chose to focus on this type of magic, but the main reason boils down to two things. The first being that he himself is highly skilled in it and wants to see it used more often in civilized society. And the second is that he believes that if you’re going to be a success at something, then you might as well be successful at doing something you enjoy and he certainly enjoys using necromantic magic.
He goes on to explain that in order to use this type of magic, one must have a deep understanding and connection with death itself, which is often symbolized by a skull. He then points out that this is the reason why most necromancers through history have dressed in robes with a skull symbol on them. He also mentions how most necromancers keep familiars to assist them in their magic. Often times a cat or a snake, but sometimes even something more unusual.
“Now then, since this class is shorter than the rest, I’ll be taking suggestions on what you’d like to learn about next time. However, I’m only going to pick a few, so make sure they’re important ones. Oh and I’ll be choosing the ones I teach first, so if you don’t like it, too bad.
Understand?”
Demar looks out at the class for any questions or objections, but finds that there are none. He knows that this is because everyone is still a little afraid of him or at least intimidated by him. Demar’s not really sure what it is himself, but he knows he’s got a certain “presence” when he walks in the room and he’s learned to make full use of it.
“Good, now class is dismissed.”
You pack up your belongings and head out of the lecture hall with the rest of your classmates. Some of them are talking about what they think Demar will teach next time while others are already arguing over the suggestions. You pay little attention to any of it and instead just head to your next class.
As you leave you notice a few of the guards seem to be following you, but they stay a respectable distance away so as not to alarm you. Though alarming you is not really their intention, it’s more to keep an eye on you since you’re a “person of interest” to the higher-ups at the Academy. They’re just not supposed to scare you by stalking you too closely.
You shake your head at the fact that you have guards following you around, it’s been this way for years now. At first it was a little unnerving, but now you’ve come to accept it as just another part of life. Another thing you’ve learned to accept is that necromancy is looked down upon in most civilized places and is usually illegal.
You’ve been to a few places where it was completely banned and the punishment for using it could range from a fine to execution. You don’t know why there is such animosity towards the art though because you’ve never known it to be used for anything other than the benefit of society. Sure there’s the “black sheep” of the necromancers who engage in darker rituals and experiments, but they’re not representative of the entire field like they are with say…chemists.
Of course that’s probably due to the fact that chemists have had centuries to work out the kinks in their craft and establish guidelines of conduct. On the other hand necromancy is quite new when compared to some of the other magic schools so it’s only natural that it hasn’t had as much time to evolve into a respectable field. Hell, you’d argue that it has more practical uses than some of the other magic arts like say…illusion for instance.
(Though it’s still weaker in the raw power department)
You arrive at your next class which happens to be illusion and you’re running late, again. This is a class that you have no trouble staying awake in though since it’s a little more interesting to you than the others. Not to say you don’t pay attention, but the subject matter is a little more fascinating to you.
When you enter the class you see that illusion is a little different than what you’re used to. The class isn’t taught in some large amphitheater like room, but instead is held in a smaller round room with seats for spectators around the edge and a single platform in the middle. Of course this could just be due to the fact that this class is more specialized since it’s focusing on the fifth element of magic: Chaos.
As you take you seat you hear the door open behind you and you turn to see Draven entering the room. He gives you a quick nod along with a smile before taking his seat. It’s been a year since you took his advise and enrolled in the Academy and becoming friends with him was one of the best decisions that you ever made.
Most of your other classmates don’t really like him though for some reason. You’re not really sure why, he never does anything to piss anyone off and he’s always friendly towards everyone. Still, you aren’t going to question your good fortune of having a friend in this place, especially since you don’t have any other friends in the school.
The rest of your classmates start to trickle in and take their seats and soon after the teacher walks in. He’s a short old man with gray hair and a gray beard with twinkling blue eyes. He’s wearing a jester hat, a vest, and a red and yellow swirled robe. There is an obvious air of joviality surrounding him along with an underlying aura of power.
He takes his place on the platform and welcomes everyone to illusion magic class. He starts off by asking if anyone has any questions and your hand immediately shoots up into the air.
“Yes, the young man in the back.
You have a question?”
“
Yes, what exactly is illusion magic?”
You ask rather intelligently. A couple of the other students chuckle a bit at your question and you can feel your face getting warm.
“
Why it’s pretty obvious isn’t it?
It’s magic that creates illusions.” The old man says with a chuckle. A few of the students laugh while you just shake your head.
“
I mean like what kinds of illusions?
I’ve never taken this class before so I don’t know what to expect.”
“Ah, a novice. Well young mage you won’t find a pure form of illusion magic as it exists in all the other schools of magic. Rather it is present in all of them in some capacity save for the primal school. Here the students learn how to enhance their natural abilities for mischief and trickery as well as how to weave illusions into their other magic.
For example, a fire mage could create illusions that they can see through but others cannot, or a diviner could predict the future using illusions. There are many possibilities, but this class isn’t that specialized so you’ll just be learning the basics of magic illusion. Think of it as learning how to make neat tricks that you can use to amaze and entertain others or in the case of a mage battle, trick your opponent.”
“
That sounds cool, but doesn’t the fact that it’s an illusion mean that it isn’t real magic?”
One of the students asks.
The old man gives a wink in your direction before responding. “Ah, but it is real magic. Just specialized. It’s all just energy after all, and this type of magic is just channeling that energy into seeing what the user wants you to see and making you believe it, rather than what is actually there.
Like this. “
Suddenly a glowing circle of symbols appears in the air and before you know it, the old man vanishes before your eyes. In fact, all of your classmates are gone as well leaving you quite alone in the classroom.
“Ah, excellent, my trick worked better than I expected. The divination instructor was in here just yesterday so I was able to borrow some of her dust.” You hear his voice say from all around you. “Now, don’t be alarmed, this is just a minor enchantment.
I know your companions can’t hear us and you won’t be able to leave the classroom either, but it’s for your safety and mine since I’m going to teach you a few things that the dean probably wouldn’t want me to.
Now then, I trust you have been experiencing some of your powers since you got here such as moving small objects and such?
You nod your head as you stare at the empty air where the old man’s voice is coming from.
“Well continue to practice with that. It will help greatly in our classes and beyond. As you might have noticed this class isn’t exactly popular, it’s just a stepping stone for most and a couple of unusual cases like yourself into the other schools. Illusion is not a highly respected field, but it is very useful.
For example an illusionist could make themselves or someone else appear more impressive than they really are.”
You think back to your time in Rask and how the orcs you encountered disguised themselves with magic and then the berserker could take out an entire town without ever touching a single one.
“Now then, I’m going to leave you here for a bit to let you practice. When you leave this room your collar will fall off and you’ll be able to do what you wish within the school’s limits. You aren’t a prisoner here, but I’m sure you know that leaving the school without checking out with the dean first is forbidden. You’ll also be registered as a level 1 student for the purposes of class scheduling.
I’ll see you when you leave this room. And please, don’t try to go through the door, you won’t like what you see and it isn’t pretty. Just wait, and you’ll be freed in a couple minutes.
The old man’s voice starts to get fainter until you can’t hear him at all and you’d assume he’s left the room if you couldn’t still see the glowing circle in the air. You sit down on one of the many cushioned chairs surrounding the raised teacher’s platform and think about everything that has happened.
You never thought that you’d actually escape your village, let alone with the help of an emissary of a major kingdom no less. You always thought that Klyton was a rumor at the best and a bedtime story told to scare children at worst. Never did you think you’d actually leave your home.
Now you’re here and while it is nice, you can’t help but wonder about your family. You hope that they aren’t worried about you or if you’re even still alive. You don’t even know if the militia came back to arrest you in the middle of the night or something worse.
You shake your head. You can’t dwell on the past now. You have to look to the future and train hard to become a great wizard like you were always meant to be.
Soon, you begin hearing the whimpers again. You look around and get up, but nothing is there. Confused, you sit back down and just as you do, you feel something wet on your leg.
You look down and your pants are now wet. At first you think you pissed yourself until you look up and above you is a small crumpled up face of a dog. It looks malnourished with half of its teeth missing and its eyes full of sorrow.
“Hey now, get away from him!” a voice shouts.
You look over to the side and there stands Franklins. He has a small black notebook in his hand and is writing in it. He looks up, but doesn’t stop writing as he talks to you.
“I’m so sorry that Hank scared you. He’s just doing his job. I know the collar around his neck looks bad, but honestly it’s for his protection as much as anyone else’s.”
Franklins walks over and picks up the dog, it tries to struggle, but Franklins grabs him by the back of his neck and holds him in an almost intimidating way. The dog stops struggling immediately.
“You see, Hank here is a nice dog and all, but he has a minor flaw. He likes to eat people. Not in a malicious way, but more in a ‘I’m a dog and I like meat’ way. Luckily, he’s smart enough to know food on legs to not be food, but you guys came along and well…
yeah.”
“But he doesn’t seem that scary,” you say.
“Looks can be deceiving, just like Hank. He may look like a average dog, but he’s as smart as any human I assure you.”
Franklins pats Hank and continues talking to him in a calm voice.
“
Now Hank, you be a good boy now and go find the other hounds, ok?”
Hank doesn’t look thrilled, but he does hop out of Franklins hand and runs off yelping.
“
He’s not going to attack us is he?”
you ask nervously.
“Oh no, he’s just going to find his friends who are also trapped here. No worries.”
Franklins walks back over to you and strokes his beard.
“So, Jacob tells me you have a lot of magical potential,” he smiles.
“Yeah, he said I could be a great wizard,” you say eager to confirm what he already believes to be true.
“
Well, we’ll have to see about that won’t we?
Come on, I’ll take you to the magic school.”
You follow Franklins out of the room and down a long hallway. You notice there are a lot less guards roaming around and the ones you do see seem bored and tired.
“The guards don’t look like they are paying much attention,” you say as a scruffy looking one walks by without even giving you two a second glance.
“Yeah, things have been a little lax lately.”
You soon enter a large room with three crystal spheres. They are all about five feet in diameter. One is bright blue, one is bright green, and the last is bright pink. Franklins walks over to them and place his hands on them.
They begin to glow and he closes his eyes.
“Okay, I’m going to open these baby’s up and we are going to step inside. Once inside, say your name and wait. If you’re supposed to be there, you’ll end up in the entrance of the magic school. If not, well…you’ll just end up somewhere else.”
“Sounds easy enough,” you say.
“Yeah, it’s really simple…now who wants to go first?”
“You can go first Mr. Franklins,” you say.
“Please, call me Mallack. Well then Mallack, step forward and meet your destiny.”
You step forward and gaze into the crystal ball. At first you see nothing but white, but then it starts to swirl around like water going down a drain. Suddenly you feel yourself being pulled in and before you know it, everything goes black.
You put your hand out and feel cold stone. You open your eyes and find yourself in a place you never thought you’d see. You’re actually in the magic school! You’re so excited that you jump up and down.
You see Franklins lying on the floor and go to help him.
“
Hey are you alright?”
you ask.
Franklins just groans in response and continues lying on the floor with his eyes closed.
“Mr….
Mallack? Are you alright?”
you ask again.
Still nothing. He’s not asleep though, because he’s breathing, but he’s not moving at all. You start to wonder if this is some sort of trick. Maybe he’s faking it.
So you reach down and pull his arm.
“
Wha?
!” Franklins shouts as he bolts up right.
“You were faking!” you say triumphantly.
“
Of course I was faking, do you think I want to lie here for hour after hour?
,” Franklins says annoyed. “Let’s go you have a lot to learn and very little time to do it in.”
Franklins gets up and you follow him into a room with two doors. One says “MALE” and the other says “FEMALE”.
“Okay, you need to pick one. Whatever door you pick is what you’ll be for the rest of your life. You can’t change it later, well, I suppose there are spells to do it, but they’re extremely hard to perform and you’d probably kill yourself in the process.”
You have to think hard about this one.
What does your heart desire? To be a warrior like your father or a wizard that fights with sword like the one you just saw?
A lot is riding on your decision here as well as the fact that you don’t know how long it’ll take to reach your destination. Franklins said you had to do this quick, but there’s nothing saying he has to rush ahead to the capital and do his job while you’re still learning.
You might need the extra training to survive whatever it is that is going on.
If you go through the door that says “Wizard,” you can learn all about magic. You’ll be able to wield powerful spells and sling fire, frost, and lightning at your enemies. The problem is you won’t be able to rely on brute strength to win your battles for you. Armor and weapons will still be needed, but your magical abilities will be the deciding factor in most cases.
further, you’ll need to focus for long periods of time to keep your abilities powered up and that takes practice and something that you’re not sure you’ll deviate from. There’s also the fact that this is all going to be new to you. Franklins or whatever his real name is, might have a better grasp on how to do things than you will.
If you go through the door that says “Warrior,” you can learn the ways of combat and become a knight or whatever they have in this world that’s similar. You’ll be able to defend yourself in any situation and get stronger as well. The only problem is you don’t exactly have the best health record and you’re not sure if your body can take the rigors of war. You could pass out at an inopportune moment and get yourself killed when you could have otherwise survived.
There’s also the fact you know nothing of this world to consider.
What if you pick the door that turns you into a warrior only to find out that all their weapons use some sort of elementium alloy that you’re completely useless against?
As with all things, both paths have their pros and cons and ultimately you’ll have to decide what you really want now because the doors of opportunity only open once.
Which will it be?
Year 9
Your family’s farm is doing well. The past year has been a prosperous one and while you haven’t seen any other signs of strange activity within the area, the scare was enough to cause your father to add more security around the farm. While it’s nowhere Fort Defiance levels of defense, it’s more than most farms around these parts have. (If they even have anything at all)
All of this extra security doesn’t come cheap either. Your father had to get a second job training guards for some of the local merchants in the area. Not exactly the most noble work, but he’s helping protect other people besides himself and his family now. It’s certainly helping with the bills.
You however haven’t been sitting idly by. While you still help your mother around the farm, (And your sister, if she needs it) you’ve been concentrating on more academic studies as well. This has included picking up the sword.
Since you were already interested in it, your father managed to get you onto the Joachimite seminary’s fencing team. You didn’t realize at the time that it was reserved only for the rich, but after seeing some of the kids there, you can see that it probably costs a fortune to send your children there. Doesn’t stop them from being complete jerks.
Still, if makes it easier for you to make friends with some of the other students there, most of whom are also on the fencing team. Your skill with a sword has only gotten better under their tutelage and while you still have a long way to go, you feel confident that you won’t be the weakest link when you finally graduate from the farm and head off to your next destination.
That happens a lot sooner than you thought it would be.
One night, you’re awoken from your sleep by the sounds of shouting. Groggily, you make your way downstairs to see what’s causing the commotion. You see your father rushing out the front door, “I’ll be back soon!” is the last thing he says to you before rushing off into the night.
You’re still half-asleep so you don’t even think about it and head back to bed. The next morning however, your mother comes into your room and wakes you up. She has a very worried look on her face and is in the process of packing a large bag with various items.
“Wha…what’s going on?” You ask still hazy from sleep.
Your mother sits you down and tells you that last night she was visited by some men wearing the sigil of the Ebony Claw. She says they told her that your father had been taken hostage by them and in exchange for his release, she would have to accompany them to the Temple of Fel today.
At this point you’re immediately wide awake. You’ve heard stories of the Ebony Claw and their tyrannical ways, not to mention their penchant for just outright killing people who don’t do what they say.
“We have to do something!” You exclaim.
“I already have.” She says sadly. “I’m going to the temple with the Ebony Claws and agreeing to whatever they want. If I don’t, your father will be…’executed'” at this point she uses fingerquotes, “and I can’t risk that.”
“But…we can still do something! We can send someone to the temple ahead of time and prepare them for an attack when the Claw people get there.
We can…”
Your mother shakes her head. “We don’t even know how many Claws are going to be at the temple. If we try something and fail, we just get everyone killed. If we prepare an ambush and there isn’t one, then we just wasted a lot of time and didn’t help your father at all.”
You’re silent for a moment as you process everything. You hear about folks being kidnapped by the Ebony Claw, but it’s rare. They generally don’t take hostages…they do it just enough to keep people afraid without actually relying on it.
Your father must be really important for them to do this, which also means that the reward for his safe return would probably be great as well.
You look at your mother, “What are you going to do?
“I’m going to take you back to the university and turn you over to the dean. I’ll explain that your father was a good man, but he died a hero. The dean will be heartbroken, but he’ll also know that your father died serving the kingdom and a legacy of greatness. Hopefully, it will be enough for him to give you a proper burial on hallowed ground.”
You’re silent for a moment again. This is really all so sudden. Just last night you were having dinner with your family, and now…
“We can still do something!” You exclaim again. “I can still help…”
Your mother meets your gaze and sighs, “You don’t have to help us anymore son. I’ve seen to it that you’ll have a proper future, if I must put your martial skills and talents to use for my own ends then so be it.”
Those words hit you like a punch to the gut and you feel sick. “NO! You can’t do this to me! I have to help my father!” you say, tears streaming down your face.
Your mother’s face is also wet with tears, but her expression is hard. “I’m sorry son, but it will be for the best. If I can’t have you with me, then I want at least to know that your future is secure.”
And with those words, she picks you up and throws you over one of the horses like a sack of grain. You struggle against her to no avail as she binds your arms and legs to the stirrups. She points to a spot in the distance and tells you that you’ll reach the university before nightfall if you walk at a good pace. With that, she turns away from you and begins walking back to the road.
You struggle against your bindings, but they’re not going to give. You can’t run after her, and she’s already made too much progress for you to call out to her. Hot tears stream down your face as the reality of the situation unfolds before you: your mother doesn’t want you anymore.
A hand claps you on the shoulder and you almost cry out in surprise until you recognize it as belonging to the militia sergeant who hired you. “Understandable that you’d be upset, lad. We’ve all been there. But you need to understand that this is for the best.
A future in the military awaits you if you still desire it. You have friends in high places, and I’m sure the dean of the university will understand as well.”
You aren’t convinced, but there’s nothing more you can do. The sergeant helps you onto his horse and unties your legs so you can climb onto its back. As he takes up the reigns and starts leading you out of the forest, you stare back one last time at your mother who still walks along the road. She doesn’t look back.
You’ve been abandoned.
Continue…
Sources & references used in this article:
Characteristics of sexually repressed child molesters by L Simkins – Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 1993 – journals.sagepub.com
Memories of Childhood Sexual Abuse: Remembering and Repressing by EF Loftus, S Polonsky… – Psychology of women …, 1994 – journals.sagepub.com
Repressed and thwarted, or bearer of the new world? the spinster in inter-war feminist discourses by A Oram – Women’s History Review, 1992 – Taylor & Francis
Forgetting sexual trauma: What does it mean when 38% forget? by EF Loftus, M Garry, J Feldman – 1994 – psycnet.apa.org
A prospective study of memory for child sexual abuse: New findings relevant to the repressed-memory controversy by GS Goodman, S Ghetti, JA Quas… – Psychological …, 2003 – journals.sagepub.com
Effects of sex guilt, repression, sexual” arousability,” and sexual experience on female sexual arousal during erotica and fantasy. by PJ Morokoff – Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 1985 – psycnet.apa.org
Repressed memories: A journey to recovery from sexual abuse by E Loftus, K Ketcham – 1996 – Macmillan
