Demi-Sexuality: A Sexual Orientation For People Who Are Not Straight or Bisexual
What Is Demisexual?
The term demisexual comes from the Greek word “demos” meaning one and “sexual” meaning sexual attraction. It refers to someone who experiences romantic love, but does not experience sexual attraction.
A demisexual person may have had a long-term relationship with another person, but they are not attracted to them sexually. They might feel a strong emotional bond with them, but their sexuality is not involved. They might even consider themselves bisexual if they were attracted to both men and women.
Demisexuality is often confused with being pansexual (someone who identifies as equally attracted to all genders). However, demisexuality is different than pansexuality because it does not necessarily mean you’re only interested in one gender.
There are many reasons why someone could identify as demisexual. Some examples include:
They’ve never been romantically attached to anyone in the past. They just like to hang out with friends and don’t want any sort of commitment. They might be bi-curious or have a non-monogamous partner.
The person has been in a long-term relationship and is only just beginning to develop feelings of sexual attraction.
The person just isn’t very interested in having sexual relationships with anyone. This may be because they are introverted, or they simply don’t want more than a friendship with anyone.
Some demisexual people can still feel sexual attraction towards a person, but only if they have an emotional connection with them.
They might still be attracted sexually to someone they just met, but would rather only start a friendship before becoming sexually involved.
Some people never experience sexual attraction at all.
A demisexual person can be any sexual orientation or gender identity. There is no demographic category that is more likely to be demisexual than another (for example, you can’t say that demis are mostly women or mostly gays).
Who Is Demi-sexual?
Demisexual people are all gender identities and sexual orientations. Demisexuals can be any religion and any race. There is no specific type of person who identifies as demisexual.
Why Would Someone Identify As Demi-sexual?
Some people might identify as demisexual if they feel they fit the bill.
They may have been in a long-term, committed relationship, but never felt the need or desire to become sexually intimate with their partner. They may have had sexual encounters with other people in the past, but would rather just be friends with their partner than have a committed relationship.
They may have also had sexual encounters with other people, but only because they were in an open relationship or they felt no emotional connection to their partner. Some people might identify as demisexual if their interest in having a serious relationship is greater than their interest in sexual encounters.
It may be that they’ve had sexual experiences in the past with other people, but only when they’ve experienced an emotional or mental connection with them. They might even have a preference for watching people have sexual encounters rather than engaging in them themselves.
They might have had multiple sexual encounters that left them feeling dirty or defiled. They might not feel the need to share their body with others unless they feel an emotional bond with them.
It should be noted that the majority of people are not demisexual. Most people are sexually attracted to others and simply engage in sexual activity with people they have no interest in being romantically involved with.
What Are Other Names for Demisexuality?
While demisexuality is not a common term, there are other names that may be used to describe it. For example, a demisexual person may also identify as a “romantic asexual” or a person who does not experience sexual attraction at all. They may also describe themselves as “a low libido individual” or someone with a lower-than-average interest in having sexual encounters.
How Common Is Demisexuality?
It is difficult to know exactly how common demisexuality is, especially since most people are not even aware of it as a potential sexual orientation or identity.
Most people are also not aware that a person can be romantically attracted to someone without being sexually attracted to them.
Research suggests that asexuality is far more common among young people, with between one and five percent of the population identifying as asexual. While there is no research available to suggest how many people are demisexual, it is possible that the number could be equally as high.
How Can You Meet Potential Partners If You Are Demi Or Asexual?
Demisexual people may still engage in sexual encounters if they feel an emotional connection to their partner, but this is not a guarantee. Some choose to remain celibate, while others engage in sexual encounters when they are confident that an emotional attachment will form.
One way that a demisexual person can find potential partners is by engaging in online dating. This allows them to connect with people on an emotional level before ever meeting them in person.
Many people use online dating to find a potential long-term partner, regardless of their sexual orientation or preferences.
How Do You Know If You Are Demisexual?
As demisexuality is not a commonly-known concept, it can be difficult for a person who assumes they are demisexual to know for sure. It may take some self-exploration and experimentation before you are able to confirm whether this is your sexual orientation.
For example, if you are currently in a relationship with someone, you could try to be sexual with them as soon as possible. If this makes you uncomfortable or if it seems unnatural to you, then it may be that you are demisexual.
Conversely, if you are able to engage in sexual activity with a partner without feeling any kind of emotional attachment to them, then this may suggest that you are asexual.
It should be noted that a person may never have experienced any kind of sexual attraction until they met a particular person. While this may lead you to believe that this person is the “one,” it does not necessarily mean that this is the case. You may simply have not been sexually attracted to anyone before, but then experienced it when you met this person.
As previously mentioned, a demisexual person may only experience sexual attraction if they have an emotional attachment to another person. This may be strong enough for a demisexual person to feel sexual attraction without feeling love or a romantic attraction.
However, this doesn’t mean that they are able to maintain a long-term relationship without an emotional connection. If a demisexual person is not emotionally connected to their partner, then the relationship will ultimately end.
How Do You Know If You Are Asexual?
If you are still unsure of your sexual orientation and you believe yourself to be asexual, there are a few factors you should consider.
Firstly, you may have experienced sexual attraction before but felt no desire to engage in sexual activity.
Alternatively, you may have been in a relationship before and never felt the need to have any kind of sexual activity, not even kissing or cuddling. You may have chosen to remain celibate during your entire relationship, or you may have just not felt any sexual attraction towards your partner.
In some cases, a person may experience sexual attraction on a very minor level but they choose to ignore or supress these urges. This can lead a person to believe that they are asexual when they don’t actually identify as such.
This may be for a number of reasons, such as them believing that they are supposed to feel no sexual attraction or that having these thoughts are unacceptable.
If you do feel that you have experienced sexual attraction in the past and simply ignored it, this is not uncommon and should not cast doubt on your asexuality.
What Do I Do If I Think I’m Demisexual?
If you believe that you are demisexual, there is nothing you need to do except come to this realization on your own. There is no need to feel any kind of pressure to change your sexual orientation if it is something that makes you happy and you do not feel as though it is something that needs to be “fixed.”
However, if you have come to this realization that you are demisexual, then you may be seeking out other demisexual people so that you can relate and potentially find a partner.
How Do I Find Other Demisexual People?
If you are seeking out other demisexual people, the first place you should look is on the internet as there are several online communities for people of all sexual orientations and identities.
The internet is a great way to meet other people with the same interests, and this also applies to demisexual people.
However, if you wish to seek out a partner in the real world, then your best bet is to attend places where demisexual people are known to gather. Places such as college or community groups are typically good places to find potential partners.
It’s important to remember that there may be some people who are demisexual but do not frequent these places. This means that you are not going to meet everyone in this way.
There is no point in getting frustrated or annoyed if it seems that nobody at these places seem to be demisexual. Most people don’t exactly broadcast the fact that they are, so you are still more likely to find someone who is demisexual than you would be finding someone of any other sexual orientation.
Why Would I Want To Date Someone Who Is Demisexual?
Demisexual people can make great partners for a number of reasons.
They tend to value relationships more than other people which means they are less likely to cheat or leave you for somebody else. They also tend to be more loyal in general, especially if they are in a proper, committed relationship.
It’s important to remember that demisexual people still experience sexual attraction and desire. This means that they will be able to enjoy physical intimacy with you. There is no reason why you should not have a perfectly normal and enjoyable sexual life together so long as you are both willing.
This also means that if the person you are with is demisexual then there is no need to worry about them leaving you for someone else, because they are not going to want to leave you in the first place!
It is also worth noting that if you are demisexual then you should try to be understanding if your partner has been with people in the past before you came along. They may have had to engage in sexual activity in order to feel an emotional connection, and this is something you should respect as it would be disrespectful to try and make them feel bad for their past.
You should also not feel insecure about your relationship if your partner has had past partners. You do not need to worry about them leaving you for somebody else because they are not going to want to leave you in the first place.
In some cases, it can actually be a good thing if your partner has had past partners because they will better understand what you may experience when you first begin getting intimate with one another and this can make things much easier for you both.
What If I’m Not Demisexual?
If you are not demisexual then you will not have much in common with your potential partner and this can cause problems later on in the relationship.
This is not to say that you cannot have a successful relationship and that it is doomed to fail, it’s just going to be a bit more difficult for you both compared to someone who shares the same sexual desires as their partner.
Some people will naturally have an easier time than others. For example, straight people will always have an easier time with other straight people, while gays and lesbians will have an easier time when they are with someone of the same orientation as them. This is because there is a greater degree of commonality.
As such, you should expect that you are going to have to work a little harder to maintain your relationship with your demisexual partner. This extra effort is worth it because you are going to find that your partner is going to be more understanding of you than a non-demisexual person would be.
However, if you are not demisexual then that still does not mean that you should feel like you cannot have a relationship with one. If anything, this gives you more of a reason to stick with them because you know that they will always have an advantage over you when it comes to maintaining a better relationship.
You will still need to put in the effort of maintaining your relationship, but you will also reap more rewards than you would otherwise. You just need to remember that you are with a demisexual and respect them for who they are. Respect is one of the most important things in any relationship.
What Is Demisexuality?
Demisexuality is a person who can only experience sexual attraction after they have formed a strong emotional bond with someone. This does not necessarily mean love, but it does mean that there has to be some sort of an emotional connection there beforehand.
This means that demisexual people may never experience sexual attraction, however more often than not they do tend to experience such feelings because they are connecting on some level with the person they are becoming attracted to.
For a demisexual person, sexual attraction is not something that turns on instantly like a light switch. Rather, they experience it on a gradient scale. It is something that slowly develops and grows stronger the more they get to know that person and the closer they become to them.
Why Is Demisexuality Confused With Celibacy?
Many people don’t understand the difference between not experiencing sexual feelings and not being willing to have sexual feelings. Because of this, there is a common misconception that demisexuals are simply experiencing some sort of internal struggle due to being uncomfortable with their own sexuality. This is not the case.
Demisexuals can experience sexual attraction, but only in very specific situations. Most of the time, they are simply not going to feel that way no matter how much they like you.
How Do I Find Out If Someone Is Demisexual?
This is a common question because a lot of people wonder if that special someone might be demisexual. The problem with this is that you cannot go asking someone right away if they are demisexual or not. Most demisexuals prefer to keep this part of their personality a secret simply because of how misunderstood it is. Asking them about it right away is only going to make them clam up and you may never get an answer at all.
If you really want to know if that special someone is demisexual then the best way to do this is to engage in some deep conversations with them. Try to get them talking about themselves and their lives. Ask them questions related to their childhood and see how they respond. If they seem to open up more to you then you know that you are probably getting through to them on an emotional level. The more someone feels like they can trust you and open up to you, the higher the chance that you are going to trigger a strong sexual attraction in them.
It is important to remember that just because someone is demisexual does not mean that they are going to automatically feel a strong sexual attraction for you. As previously stated, a certain level of emotional intimacy must be reached before this happens. This can take time so you’re going to have to be patient and let the relationship grow over a long period of time.
Also keep in mind that some people experience shifts in their sexuality over time. A person who has always considered themselves to be demisexual might one day feel a strong sexual attraction to someone. This is perfectly normal and just means that they feel an emotional connection to that person.
What If I’m Demisexual?
If upon reflection you realize that you have very little sexual feelings towards anyone, then it is likely that you are demisexual or gray asexual. You might be concerned by this, but there is no need to panic or worry excessively. There are many successful and happy people in the world that fall under this category. Even if you are not in a relationship, you still have plenty to offer the world and should embrace who you are.
It is also important to remember that whether you’re demisexual or not, everyone experiences fluctuations in their sexual desires. You might find that you’ll have a higher sexual interest in someone one day.
You can also feel attraction to images of people in magazines or on TV. This is normal and just means that you probably aren’t asexual. If you don’t feel attracted to anyone in real life, but still feel some attraction to people on TV or in magazines, then it’s likely you’re gray asexual.
Doesn’t Demisexuality Exist Alongside Other Sexualities?
Gray asexuality is not its own identity, but rather a section of the asexuality identity. Demisexuals can also identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, etc. In fact, it is more common for demisexuals to also identify as another sexuality than for demisexuals to identify as asexual.
A demisexual person who is also pansexual, for example, would identify themselves as pansexual rather than demisexual. The same would be true with someone who identifies as bisexual or homosexual.
If you think you may be demisexual, make sure you also read over our section on asexuality to gain a more well-rounded understanding of the topic.