Codependence: A Definition
A definition of codependence is “a pattern of dependence or dependency on another person.” That means that if someone suffers from codependency, they are dependent on others for their needs. They may not even realize it but they do have a relationship with those around them. It could be a close friend, family member, partner or even strangers.
People suffering from codependency need constant reassurance and approval because without it they feel empty inside.
What Is a Codependent Friend?
It depends on what kind of friend you are talking about. Some friends might be considered codependent while others might not. However, there are certain characteristics that define a codependent friend. They usually have low self-esteem and they tend to rely on other people for support. These types of friends often don’t make decisions themselves and they don’t take responsibility for their own actions either.
Why Do You Need Someone Like Me?
If you suffer from codependency then you probably want someone like me to tell you everything that is going on in your life. If you’re having problems with your job, relationships or anything else, I’m here to listen and give advice. My goal isn’t necessarily to solve all your problems; rather it’s just to provide emotional support so that I can get back into the swing of things again. This is a great way to help me and yourself.
What If I Need You And You Aren’t Around?
Then what can I tell you?
If you’re having trouble with other people then it’s probably best to solve those problems yourself. I’m not here to pick sides or play mediator if it gets too complicated. Remember, I’m just here to listen and provide you with the emotional support that you need when you’re feeling down.
How Do I Know If Someone Is Codependent?
You won’t know until they tell you. Some people don’t like to admit when they’re having problems and that’s fine. My advice would be to not press the issue and just be ready to lend a helping hand if they ever do reach out to you. Everyone has issues, even you, but don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s important to let others in when you need help as well, and that’s what I’m here for.
If someone ever tells you that they are codependent then all I can recommend is that you be there for them in whatever capacity they need. In return, they’ll be there for you. It’s the circle of life.
How Do I Know I’m In A Codependent Relationship?
Well if you’re asking, then maybe you already know the answer. Having a relationship with someone who suffers from codependency can be good sometimes but it can also have it’s drawbacks. To be honest, there really isn’t one rule or guideline when it comes to these types of relationships, they are unique to the individuals involved.
If you’re in a codependent relationship then chances are there will always be an underlying current of tension in your relationship. That isn’t always a bad thing though. It just means that you need to work harder to keep the bond between you two strong.
What if I’m In A Codependent Relationship With A Narcissist?
Narcissists are known to gravitate towards people who have low self esteem and codependency is one of the symptoms. If you’re involved with a narcissist then chances are you’re codependent. The thing is, you might not even know it. Like I said, some people convince themselves that they have a problem and that’s just the way it is.
It’s not to say that you don’t have things going on in your life, it’s just that your problems get ignored most of the time when you’re with your partner. If you find yourself constantly trying to one up each other when it comes to who has it worse in life, then that’s a major red flag. You have to remember that this person has chosen you to be in a relationship with, so obviously they think you have some sort of worth.
Most importantly though, you have to make yourself a priority or you’re going to get lost in all the chaos.
How Do I Know If I’m A Narcissist?
Well, if you think you might have a problem then you probably do and should seek help. That’s not what this guide is about though so let’s just assume you already know you have some serious issues and are looking for ways to cope.
Whether it be through codependency or just being a self-entitled jerk, narcissism can be destructive to not only yourself but the people around you. But it’s not always bad, there are positives. If you can learn to harness the power of being a narcissist then you’ll be able to get whatever you want and not care about the consequences.
For example, let’s say you’re at a grocery store and you decide you want a candy bar.
Well if you weren’t a narcissist then you’d probably ask yourself “Do I really want this candy bar? Will it satisfy my hunger?”
But if you’re a narcissist then none of that matters because you’ll just take the candy bar regardless of the consequences.
Another example, let’s say you really want to work for a company but you don’t have the proper experience. If you’re not a narcissist then you may not feel worthy or confident in your abilities. But as a narcissist, you’d most likely find a way to blame the company for not providing the proper training or not recognizing your talent.
Basically, being a narcissist can be an advantage in life because you’ll do whatever it takes to get what you want.
What Are The Drawbacks To Being A Narcissist?
There isn’t always a reward for everything you do in life. Sometimes your actions will have consequences whether you like it or not. If you happen to be a narcissist with anger problems then you’re likely to get into fights or even worse, commit crimes and end up in prison. If you have a habit of cheating on your significant other then you’re going to have deal with the consequences of that.
Basically, if you’re going to be a narcissist then you’d better be prepared to face the repercussions of your actions.
How Can I Improve My Life By Being A Narcissist?
The first step to being a successful narcissist is to…well…be successful. This means getting good grades in school, getting a good job and just in general living an enriching life. If you can do that, then you’ll already be ahead of the pack.
The second step is to decide what kind of narcissist you want to be.
Are you the friendly neighborhood type or are you the ruthless and cruel type?
It’s entirely up to you and what you want out of life.
The final step is to just go out there and do it! Be proud of yourself and appreciate all your hard work. If people aren’t recognizing your accomplishments then make sure THEY know about it! It really is a fun way of life so enjoy it.
Just remember that even if you’re a narcissist, you’re not the only one. There are bound to be other people in your life that are also narcissists and they may not be as friendly as you are. Be careful.
Tips On How To Deal With Narcissists
If someone comes off as a loner or doesn’t have many friends then chances are they may be a narcissist. It happens. Maybe they’ve realized that they don’t need other people in their lives so they’ve separated themselves from the “lowly peasants”. If you have to deal with such a person here are some tips on how you can deal with them:
Be direct. If you want something from a narcissist then just ask for it. Don’t beat around the bush and be straight forward with what you want. If you’re on their good side then you’ll rise in their esteem.
Don’t try to one-up them. This will only cause conflict and a desire to put you back in your proper place. Instead just accept what they claim and say “thank you”. If they try to take all the credit for something then just let it go.
Don’t try to argue or make them see the truth, remember they are who they are.
Show small acts of kindness. This is a general tip for how to deal with people in general but it works well with narcissists. Do them a small favor and they’ll be hooked. Just make sure the favor isn’t too big or too obvious, remember, they think they are superior to you.
Be careful about beating them at something. If they’re a proud person then they may not take too kindly to beatdowns, either physical or verbal. Regardless of if they lose or win, don’t make a big deal out of it. Just say something like “good game” and leave it at that.
Sources & references used in this article:
The new codependency: help and guidance for today’s generation by M Beattie – 2008 – books.google.com
Beyond codependency: And getting better all the time by M Beattie – 2009 – books.google.com
Entitlement in codependency: Developmental and therapeutic considerations by SA Farmer – Journal of addictive diseases, 1999 – Taylor & Francis
Codependent no more: How to stop controlling others and start caring for yourself by M Beattie – 1992 – books.google.com
Codependency: A view from women married to alcoholics by R Asher, D Brissett – International Journal of the Addictions, 1988 – Taylor & Francis
The language of letting go by M Beattie – 1990 – books.google.com