Dealing with Jealousy About Your Partner’s Past

Jealousy is one of the most common emotions experienced by couples. Many people experience jealousy when they are with someone else or even when they are alone. Some people may have different levels of jealousy than others, but all couples experience some level of it. However, not everyone experiences jealousy in the same way. Jealousy can range from mild annoyance to intense fear. While there are many ways to deal with jealousy, it is important to understand how to handle it so that you do not become overly distressed or upset.

The following information will help you learn more about dealing with jealousy:

What Is Jealousy?

Jealousy is a strong emotion that arises due to uncertainty. When two individuals are uncertain about something, they tend to feel threatened and insecure. They may even develop negative thoughts such as “If I lose my partner, then everything will fall apart.” These kinds of fears can cause a person to act out in various ways including verbal abuse, physical violence or even suicide.

How Do You Deal With Jealousy?

The best way to deal with jealousy is to recognize the root of your feelings. When you are able to recognize the source, it will become easier to deal with. Jealousy can stem from a number of sources such as insecurities about yourself, your partner or your relationship. Other times, jealousy can also be triggered by certain conditions such as seeing a couple together, or even watching something on TV.

What are the types of jealousy?

Regardless of the reasons, there are two main types of jealousy: morbid and benign. These types of jealousy differ in intensity and effects. Morbid jealousy is more harmful than benign jealousy.

Morbid Jealousy:

Morbid jealousy is a term used to describe a person who is excessively jealous over their partner. They will often accuse their partner of being unfaithful. These types of fears can have a serious impact on the person’s psychological well-being.

If you suspect that you or your partner suffer from morbid jealousy, it is best to seek help from a licensed therapist.

Benign Jealousy:

Benign jealousy is less intense than morbid jealousy. It can be easily triggered by various factors such as past experiences, insecurities about a current relationship, or even certain conditions that cause feelings of uncertainty.

How can I reassure my partner?

There are various ways to reassure a partner that you love them and will always be there for them. They include:

* Be open and honest with your partner. Try to address any concerns or questions that they may have. If you hold something back, it may increase their feelings of uncertainty.

* Encourage your partner to communicate with you. Many people are uncomfortable expressing their feelings. When they are able to confide in a loved one, it can help alleviate any feelings of insecurity that they may have.

* Do kind things for your partner. Randomly show your affection and love for your partner on a regular basis. This helps develop trust, which is an important part of any relationship.

* Spend quality time with your partner. Spend time together doing activities that you both enjoy. Not only will this help build a stronger relationship, but it will also help avoid any feelings of separation anxiety.

* Set aside time to be alone as a couple. Whether it is going out or staying in, taking some “us time” on a regular basis is essential to keeping the spark alive in any relationship. You should also be mindful of your partner’s intimate desires and fulfilling them on a regular basis.

What are the causes of Jealousy?

While there are several factors that can contribute to feelings of jealousy, sometimes it just happens without any warning or specific reason. There are certain events that may trigger feelings of jealousy. These events can be real or imagined. Sometimes the things that trigger feelings of jealousy can be so minor that they are easily dismissed.

The repercussions of feeling jealous can be serious. It can cause a great amount of stress, which can lead to physical violence and possible separation. While experiencing feelings of jealousy is normal, it is important to try to not let it consume you.

If you feel like it is beginning to take over your life, seek help from a licensed mental health professional.

What can I do if I suspect my partner is cheating on me?

There is a great possibility that your partner is actually cheating on you, but you shouldn’t jump to conclusions. There are other factors that you should take into consideration.

* They may be stressed at work and taking it out on you.

* They may have unresolved issues from their childhood that are coming back to the surface.

* They may have a medical condition such as hyperthyroidism, which can cause sudden bursts of anger.

* They may be dealing with depression and taking it out on you.

* The relationship may not be a good fit anymore and they are seeking fulfillment elsewhere.

If you have ruled out all of these reasons, or you find that your partner really is cheating on you, then it may be time to confront them about your concerns. If you are correct, then it is better to know now before things get worse.

How can I tell if my partner is compatible with me?

Your partner may be a good person and you might get along well, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that the two of you are a good match. There are certain attributes that are necessary in a relationship to make it successful. Not having these attributes together can put strain on the relationship and can lead to breakups and divorce.

These attributes are:

* Trust

* Respect

* Loyalty

* Open Communication

Trust is one of the most important factors in any relationship. If you cannot trust your partner to always have your best interest at heart, then the relationship won’t work. If you find yourself questioning your partner’s motives, then this may be a red flag.

Lack of Respect can also be a big problem in relationships. This can manifest itself in multiple ways. Disregarding your thoughts and feelings, being condescending, or behaving in a demeaning manner are all signs of a person who lacks respect. Finally, Loyalty is another important factor in any relationship. If you cannot trust your partner to be loyal, then they may be willing to engage in activities that would hurt you such as cheating.

How do I confront my partner about cheating?

If you have determined that your partner is actually cheating on you, then you’re going to have to have a discussion with them about it.

First of all, it is important that you stay calm and don’t do or say anything that you might regret later. Some things to keep in mind during confrontation:

* Never accuse your partner of cheating unless you are absolutely sure. Even if there is a mountain of evidence, accusations can be damaging to a relationship.

* Don’t try to force your partner into confessing. This is a surefire way to make things worst.

* Listen to what your partner has to say. Sometimes we are so set on proving that we are right, that we ignore all other possibilities. If your partner has a reasonable explanation for their behavior, then you will have to at least consider the possibility that you were wrong.

* Don’t threaten your partner. Even if you’re angry, it won’t help to make threats. All it does is make your partner less likely to come back with information that can help you.

After you confront your partner, it’s time to wait and see what they say.

There may be more than one discussion that will be necessary before the issue is settled. Don’t be afraid to have more than one discussion.

If you’re wrong about cheating, you may want to apologize for doubting your partner. Even if you were right about cheating, you may still want to apologize to your partner for going on a fishing expedition and putting stress on the relationship. Apologies are good, but only if they’re sincere.

Now that we have established how to confront your partner, let’s talk about the possible reactions you may get.

Your partner may admit that they were cheating on you and the relationship is over. This is obviously not a positive outcome, but provided you didn’t make the situation worse by accusing your partner without thinking things through, there are other possibilities.

Your partner may deny that they were cheating on you. While this may be frustrating, if you remain calm and don’t accuse your partner, there is a possibility that the relationship can survive.

If you find out that your partner has been cheating, then you really need to decide how you want to handle this. Cheating is a pretty serious offense and it can be difficult to forgive someone after you’ve caught them in the act. But it’s not impossible if you’re willing to put in some effort to make the relationship work.

You may be wondering, “Isn’t cheating the symptom of a larger problem? You know, like a lack of spark or chemistry?”

While this may be true for some couples, it isn’t true for everyone. Some people stay in good relationships despite having no major spark between them. You are only one person and you can’t make your partner be attracted to you.

The first thing you need to do is talk to your partner and find out why they did it. There is a chance that you can work through their reason for cheating and come out stronger in the relationship. Of course, you may discover that the reason is something that you can’t get past.

Only you can decide if forgiveness is an option for you or not.

Whatever you do, do not confront your partner until you’re sure of what you want to happen. It is very easy to say, “I’ll just confront them and if they admit to cheating then we’re over” but it’s not that simple. If you confront someone and they lie to you, the relationship will be over no matter what.

If you’ve decided that you can forgive your partner for cheating on you, then the next step is to have a discussion about it. Make sure to focus on moving forward rather than focusing on what happened in the past.

First and foremost, ask your partner if they’re willing to work on the relationship. If they don’t want to then this isn’t going to work no matter what you do.

After they’ve agreed to try to make the relationship work, the next thing is getting them to go to counseling with you. Most people don’t like going to a counselor by themselves so you have a good chance of getting them to agree to do it if you tell them that you’ll go too.

The last step is to actually go to the counseling sessions. Even if you don’t think you’re the one who needs the help, both of you should still go so that you can work through this together as a couple.

Sources & references used in this article:

Sex differences in romantic jealousy: Evaluating past and present relationship experience by A Southard, MC Abel – American Journal of Psychological …, 2010 –

Risk factors for male perpetration and female victimization of intimate partner homicide: A meta-analysis by CM Spencer, SM Stith – Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, 2020 –

The evolution of sex differences in jealousy: Failure to replicate previous results by JW Grice, E Seely – Journal of Research in Personality, 2000 – Elsevier

Physical and psychological aggression in dating relationships in Spanish university students by MJ Muñoz-Rivas, JL Graña Gómez, KD O’Leary… – 2006 –

Evolution, sex, and jealousy: Investigation with a sample from Sweden by MW Wiederman, E Kendall – Evolution and Human Behavior, 1999 – Elsevier