What Does It Mean To Be Skoliosexual?
Skoliklips is a term used to define someone who identifies with the gender they were assigned at birth. For example, if you are a male born female, then you identify as being a man. If you are a woman born male, then you identify as being a woman. Some people do not identify as either gender, but rather as something else entirely. This is known as a heterosexually fluid person (HFS). A person may have any number of sexual orientations or identities. However, most people would agree that there are two basic types of sexuality: autogynephilic and gynephilic. Autogynephiles seek to become women; gynephiles seek to become men.
Autogynephilia and Gynephilia
Gynephiles seek to have sexual relations with other members of their own gender. They may or may not consider themselves transgender. There are many different types of gynophiliacs, but the most common type is cisgender (nontrans) androgynes. These individuals feel comfortable expressing their femininity or masculinity through clothing, mannerisms, hairstyles, body language and so forth. They rarely seek any kind of medical intervention, as they are content with their bodies.
However, there are exceptions. If a non-trans androgyne has a strong interest in having a more feminine body, then they may seek hormone replacement therapy and gender confirmation surgery. Trans androgynes are trans people who identify as a woman despite having a male body, or vice versa. They may or may not pursue medical intervention.
The other major type of gynephilic is trans women. These are people who identify as a woman despite having a male body. There are different kinds of trans women as well. Some seek to medically transition using hormone replacement therapy and gender confirmation surgery, while others do not seek any kind of medical intervention. Trans women may or may not consider themselves to be autogynephiles, but this can vary from person to person.
Androgynes and trans men are unusual in that they do not readily identify themselves as gynephiles or autogynephiles. Rather, they seek to be the so-called “perfect” androgyne, who is an attractive person of indeterminate gender. Most androgynes are cisgender, but some trans people identify as such. In addition, many androgynes identify as autogynephiles.
There are other types of gynephiliacs, but they are far less common. For example, there are some people who seek to become a eunuch, or someone who does not identify as male or female. There are other types of gynephiles that are even rarer. Again, these people vary in how they address their gender issues. Some seek medical intervention, others do not.
Autogynephilia is similar to gynephilia in many ways, but there are some important differences. Most would agree that people who are autogynephiles identify as the opposite gender to some extent. For example, a man who is attracted to women would identify as a woman. Trans men and androgynes would be included in this. There are exceptions, such as non-trans women who identify themselves as lesbians.
Autogynephiles also tend to seek medical transition more than gynephiles do, though like gynephiles they vary in how they address their gender issues.
One great similarity between autogynephilia and gynephilia is that both are orientations. People do not choose their sexual or gender orientations; they simply are. Like all people, autogynephiles and gynephiles come in all varieties. Just as there are mean gay men, kind lesbians, violent heterosexuals, and everything in between, so are there violent autogynephiles, kind trans women, and everything in between. However, these generalities exist for all people.
These differences have nothing to do with one’s sexual or gender orientation.
Some people believe that gynephilia, autogynephilia, and other types of non-homosexual and non-heterosexual orientations are paraphilias, or sexual deviations. In fact, this was once widely believed in the medical and psychological communities. However, as knowledge about gender and sexuality has increased, we have come to understand that these are not paraphilias. Instead, they are sexual orientations in their own right.
The idea that trans people are inherently mentally ill is also widely disbelieved by the medical community nowadays. Most researchers now understand that trans people have brains that are more similar to their experienced gender than their birth gender. There are differences, of course, but they are not large enough to say a trans man has a “female” brain and a trans woman has a “male” brain.
In any case, gynephilia and autogynephilia are not mental illnesses. They are orientations, no different than heterosexuality. Those who seek medical treatment for their gender issues do so for many different reasons. Some do it for physical reasons, such as a desire to have a sexual organ that more accurately reflects their gender. Some have mental health concerns, and wish to deal with them.
Others have both mental health and physical concerns, such as gender dysphoria.
As with all things, whether to medically transition or not is a personal choice. There is no one size fits all solution, and all decisions should be made after having as much information as possible. That being said, some people are ready to transition as soon they know what’s going on. They might immediately begin medical intervention, or they might wait a period time to make sure this is what they want. Other people never feel that a medical transition is right for them.
No matter what you decide, it’s important to get as much information as possible before making a decision that will affect the rest of your life.
One question that you may find yourself struggling to answer is whether or not you should come out to your family and friends as transgender. This can be a complex question to which there is never a simple answer.
It’s important to remember that even if you present as a man now, you were socialized as a woman for much of your life. This means that your behavior and interests may have more in common with women than men. You should not feel like you have to hide these things, but you should also be aware that people may discriminate against you for them. It’s up to you to determine what is worth keeping and what should go.
One of the fundamental things to remember is that you do not need to rush into coming out. There is no expiration date on your transition. You can take all the time you need to decide if and when you want to come out to people. It’s actually even possible to only come out partway. This might mean telling people that you are bisexual rather than pansexual, for example.
There is some controversy about coming out during adolescence. On the one hand, you could wait until your teens to come out, ensuring that you have support during a time when you are particularly vulnerable and unsure of yourself. On the other hand, there is some benefit to coming out earlier. First of all, if you ever decide to medically transition, having people around you who know and support you can make the process easier. It can also be imperative to come out earlier if you are in high school or college.
There are many people in these types of environments who do not understand queerness, and grow hostile if it is presented to them. This can put you at risk of physical violence and even getting kicked out of your school.
No matter when you come out, you may find that some people just cannot accept you. Your parents, your friends, and even some authority figures may turn their backs on you. This can feel devastating, but you must remember that it is never your fault when others are incapable of loving you. There will always be people who accept you for who you are, you just have to find them.
Once You Come Out
The first time you come out as trans or nonbinary, it usually means that you have decided to come out permanently. This usually means adopting this identity in all aspects of your life. This includes telling your family, friends, and coworkers. It also includes things like changing your name, dressing differently, using a new name at work, etc.
One of the first steps is going to be changing your name. One way you can do this is by going to your local courthouse and filling out a form. In most cases, you will have to pay a few dollars in fees. Your name will then be printed in a local newspaper that reports legal changes such as this. After this, you will be able to introduce yourself with your new name.
If you are at work or in school, it will be necessary to change your identification as well. Many schools and workplaces have their own systems for this, so be sure to check with an administrator first. If not, you can go through the same process as with the courthouse, though this may take a few weeks to become official.
As for telling people, it’s always good to tell people you are close with personally. If you feel comfortable, you can tell people over the phone or via a social media platform. If you’re less comfortable with this, you can write a letter detailing your situation and give it to them in person. Whichever method you choose, make sure to ask if there is someone you can talk to if you feel uncomfortable. Sometimes, when you come out to people, they can react in a negative way.
In these cases, it’s always good to have someone to talk to about how you’re feeling.
After You Come Out
After you have come out, you may notice that you feel different. This is natural. Coming out is a very freeing experience for many people. This is because there is no longer a need to keep a secret or tell a lie whenever someone asks about your past. You can simply say, “I used to go by John, but I’m Jess now,” and leave it at that.
It may take some time for others to get used to your new identity. This is why it’s important to tell people you are close with first. Once they have had time to get used to the idea, you can tell people you are not as close with. Some people may be quick to accept you, while others will take a bit longer. Remember, you cannot control how others respond to you, but you can control how you respond to them.
As for your name, some people may simply not remember to call you by your new name. If this happens, there is no need to get angry or upset, simply remind them and if they still have a hard time, let it go. Coming out is a process for everyone involved.
Remember, you are still the same person you have always been. Your identity hasn’t changed, you’ve just accepted it. Since this process can be a bit overwhelming, it may be good to take things one day at a time. Now that you have taken the first step, it will get easier with time.
Note: If you need to talk to someone about your experience, please seek out a support group in your area. You can also message one of our advocates here. We are always here to listen.
Related Article: My Child Says They’re Transgender
Sources & references used in this article:
Baby, Bi Bi Bi: Counseling Mixed Orientation Couples by V Ruckh – coupleandfamilycounseling …
Sexuality in a non-binary world: redefining and expanding the linguistic repertoire by Y Jas – INSEP–Journal of the International Network for Sexual …, 2020 – budrich-journals.de
Cultural Self 2: Gender and Sex, Disability, and Age by JD Brown – Reflective Practice of Counseling and Psychotherapy …, 2019 – Springer